(Based on a FICTIONAL PRESS CONFERENCE CONDUCTED IN CLASS)
USF undergraduate students, be prepared to lose twenty-five pounds by graduation with a new physical activity program that USF’s Director of Fitness and Physical Activity, Michael Koppy, is enforcing for all USF students.
“Who’s ready to drop, give me ten, and follow me on a jog out to the panhandle?” Koppy exclaimed in a booming voice before blowing his whistle and running out of the press conference room.
Pacing around the room in a Hawaiian shirt and jeans, with a whistle hanging around his neck, Koppy read from his notes that the program will incorporate buses that will transport students from the school to Ocean Beach. The students are then expected to run back to the school from Ocean Beach.
If the students do not complete their three-mile trek in thirty minutes, they will be shipped back to the ocean to start again.
Koppy’s goal with this program is to get every student to lose twenty-five pounds by their graduation.
Some reporters in attendance questioned the program and whether Koppy has the power to force students to partake in his fitness journey, and whether his plan is legal.
Koppy defensively answered that he is against opting out of the program. After a long pause, he added that the program is legal and was approved by Donna Davis from the University Counsel.
His idea for the new program was sparked after a small non-required program he ran with 280 students last spring.
“We have some tough cookies at USF, and I don’t mean Jesuits.” Koppy laughed, clapping his hands together as he discussed his success last spring.
For the new program, each student will be supplied with running shorts and a t-shirt with the university’s famous motto “change the world from here” stretched out on the front.
Michael Koppy may not be trying to change the world like the school motto entails, but his goal is to change the university and its students’ weight with his new fitness program that is planned to take place.